


You and Me

by lunatica



Series: Through all dimensions (and many, many more) [1]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drama, F/F, Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Post-Volume 5 (RWBY), Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 17:50:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16497371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunatica/pseuds/lunatica
Summary: It's been months, but seeing her again is like hellfire’s been lit inside her and it’s not going out anymore, not even in holy ground. That’s how love for Yang felt like, all consuming and condemning her to million lives, million worlds of nobody else. And if that is what it’s like to atone for all of your sins, Blake thinks, then she will gladly give herself completely to this penance.





	You and Me

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm finally done with this  
> Well, buckle up. You're in for one hell of a ride

I can't remember what came first, you or me.

The first time I see you, it’s like the very foundation of who I am, my soul, recognize yours. Deep down I absentmindedly think of those trashy romance novels I can't seem to get rid of, long narratives describing different people throughout different ages falling in love.

Maybe that's exactly what happened at that moment, the projection of all those stories I wish I had the privilege of experiencing instead of the hate, which always seems to be lurking around me, running wild. 

\---

 

Our team is kind of a dilemma per si, completely different styles clashing together somewhat flawlessly. We’re one of the best of this generation of Huntsmen and Huntresses, but my proof of having chosen the right partner goes far beyond that. 

All those days spent on studying, training, joking, and just… _being_ , well, they get to me somehow. Perhaps it's not even that surprising, coming to think of it. You’re always looking out for us, whether it be on the battlefield or the battle of day to day life. The bond you and Ruby share is so unique and pure it makes me wish I had had a sibling, too. But in the end I don't need to, for you extend, in time, the same treatment to us, Weiss and I — the unconditional devotion.

At first, I fight it.

I fight the warmth I feel whenever you effortlessly pull me out of the funk I managed to get myself into again. The bloom of constricted feelings swimming just underneath the surface, so much that, giving into the temptation, it would be like breaking the dam, tsunamis rolling off of me. I always try to contain myself at these times, for why would someone as radiant as yourself want to be associated to someone as shattered as me?

I fight the attraction to your kind and selfless heart, the way you'd put yourself in harm’s way to defend those you care about, and sometimes even those you don't. You have suffered, maybe, the worst kind of pain anyone can endure, one that come from the betrayal of the people who should care about you more than anything else in this world.

It’s different from the pain I had to deal with — mine came from the harsh world living under the human rule, subjugated by those who didn't think twice about people like me; still, I had my family all along, even when I yelled and shouted at their faces for abandoning our cause and left them behind. Even then, in some way or another, I still had them.

But not you; and yet you go around parading those easy smiles and tender touches of yours, because really — what else is new? I don't believe for a second your affection is just for a show, trying to cover a hole deep within yourself while at it. The most magnificent thing about you, I think, is how it just seems to be the only thing you know, like love is second nature to you, as if you don't even have to think twice —  it's just there. Like _loving_ is all you know.

This surprises me time and again, how much love you’re capable of giving away without ever asking for anything in return. You’re not even _trying_ to prove me wrong, although every day you do just that. Each day you make me feel more comfortable around our team, lighter, happier, and dare I say… at home. Though our friends are almost all humans, they don't care about my faunus heritage. Once I told Ozpin about how I wanted to be seen for _who_ I am, not what, and that’s exactly how I feel here with you guys.

I have a distinct feeling you have a lot to do with that.

Admittedly, it gets harder everyday — fighting the attraction I feel for you, I mean. It always catch me off guard how the sun seems to make your hair glow even brighter, how your eyes dance under the moonlight and your mischievous playfulness. The way your smile makes my heart beat just that much faster when it's indistinctly directed at me, or whenever your voice gets softer when it's just the two of us. It must be in my mind only, but it feels like it's how it's supposed to be — just you and me.

That's only the beginning though. At this point I don't think I could be even more in love with you, but by the time the Vytal Tournament is just around the corner, my once innocent reveries of you start turning into anything but that.

I don't exactly know how or when it began to change, just that it did. Maybe it happened gradually, but when I finally realized what was really going on, it was already too late to try and stop it.

But I definitely remember the point of absolutely no return.

One time we were doing our routine work out session for the team's round, and Ruby and Weiss decided they had had enough. We did, too, but since our bathroom would be occupied for now, the best course of action was to use the gym’s, you said with that damned gleam in your eyes. I should have known it was trouble, that _you_ were immeasurable trouble to me, because the next thing I knew I was drying my hair with the towel and you appeared in all your naked glory to take your turn in the showers, shameless and uncaring of my presence.

Any other time I would have done the _wrong_ thing and turned away, but I did the _right_ , and stayed. Because absolutely nothing about you being undressed to me seems remotely wrong — on the contrary, it feels like it's only how it's supposed to be, just you and me.

The way the water flowed down your divinely shaped body, down your scapula, which your hold on your hair covering your front gave way for me to admire, and finally facing the perfectly round curve of your bottoms. Your legs, as long and soft looking as mild summer days, so appealing to me that I had to engrave my nails’ print into my thighs to prevent myself from getting up and reaching out to them. The pounding between my legs increased tenfold while thoughts that begged me to succumb to these temptations ran desperately through my head. I felt like I couldn't breathe, that I didn't want to unless it was the very air that left your lips; like I couldn't taste anything else aside from your skin, the burning desire consuming my mind to the point of me actually getting up.

Then you chose that exact moment to turn around, and our eyes met halfway. I wouldn't put it past myself to appear somewhat of a mad woman to you, the way I’m certain you would be able to hear all the stomping my heart was doing inside my ribcage, my legs barely holding my weight, my eyes probably just as dark as the name that seemed to embody my persona.

As shameful as it was, I wasn't able to hold your gaze for much longer, afraid of what I would find there if I so wished to sustain it, of what you would find in mine. Clouded as my mind was, I couldn't even be sure if this was a tangible fear and not actually an excuse to roam my starving eyes down your magnificent body. The drop of water still suffered gravity’s pull, and every second inched even closer to the floor. It descended down upon your throat — which made me salivate just thinking about how it would feel under my lips —, deviated a little when it got to your collarbone, your strong shoulders catching my attention. Though your body is at its pinnacle of youth and strength, it still makes justice to your more feminine traits. Perhaps “forever” would be the best vernacular to describe how much time I would need to stop gawking at your figure, so I move on. I don’t know exactly how much time this has been going on, all I know is that I’m incapable of leaving until at least I’ve seen the most I can with the opportunity that has been presented to me; the effort to look away too much to really care about petty things such as being a decent person right now.

Yet as soon as I see your breasts I know I’m done for. I’ve never been one to consider physical attraction that much in the first place, much more pressing matters demanding my attention. But seeing _you_ like this, and just how _astounding_ beautiful you are, I think I have finally found my weakness. The droplets of water passed through the the vale of your taunt stomach, at last getting lost in your little, soft blonde curls. A thousand erotic thoughts crossed my mind right then, my heart beat sky rocketing to an insane amount. Already fully clothed, still I was able to sense wetness somewhere in my body, as if I was standing in that shower with you; honestly, I didn't even know where I began and you ended at that moment, the sight of you leaving nothing but raw desire for us to become one, like maybe how it’s always been — just you and me.

For a second I thought of storming in that cubicle and devouring you until the only thing able to register in my head — and yours — was my name rolling off your lips.

A step taken forward, a smoldering gaze daring me to take a few more.

That’s when it struck me how I could never, _ever_ be with you, at least not now.

You are just too beautiful and radiant to be tainted by my horrid past just waiting to descend from shadows. Adam was still out there, undoubtedly expecting the best moment to strike, make me pay for having abandoned him; and judging by the state he was in when I ran away, I’m not too sure of how much humanity remained inside him to leave those I had come to love unscathed behind. From now on I would have to act with you and our friends in mind, and take care of this matter first before I can finally surrender to this powerful pull I feel towards you so you will not get hurt because of me. Just the thought of this makes me painfully breathless, I can barely stand it.

Yet even with that first and utmost concern taken care of, I still worry about the constant prejudice I would put you through for being with someone as myself; after all, Remnant isn't known for taking it easy on any faunus related subjects. And I would rather die ten thousand times before being the one to bring even more harm to you.

So I did the _wrong_ thing at the right time, maybe, and turned away. As I ran from you, because that’s certainly how it feels, I could feel your disappoint rolling off in waves, as if wanting to drown me in you again, calling me to come back and be once again subjugated to that spell that seemed to encircle us. Though I wanted nothing more than to succumb to it, I did the exact opposite. Not looking in your eyes was what made me able to go away, enlarging the distance between us in the process. I don't think I would have the strength — or should I say, weakness? — to go through with it otherwise.

\---

 

After that, it only got… worse, as a manner of speaking. The physical attraction I once considered to be harmless, now was anything but. Every time I closed my eyes I could see you there, your striking physique begging to be touched; when you would walk around in Beacon's uniform and your skirt rose up just a bit, oh how I wish I could raise it all the way up or just pull it off altogether, trace my fingers through your smooth looking legs; or when you would run in the mornings while I peacefully tried to read this week's current book, but the bounce in your breasts greedily not letting me share my attention, subsequently ridding me of any piece of peace I once thought I had. Or your smiles — be it with your eyes, with perfect shaped lips, or even evident in your actions.

\---

 

Though it’s not easy, it’s not difficult either. We’re both stuck in this muted limbo where we know we could have so much more if only one of us dared enough to go for it — really, it was just a question of time; after all, contrary to my previous assertment of the delicate situation, who was I trying to kid? I would _never_ be able to deny you, it’s not even funny how much yours I’ve become. Yet no one makes a move, and then it's too late.

I wish I could have taken all the opportunities given to us and create many more. Go back in time and tell myself not to be a coward, to stop running from us and deal with whatever life threw at us _together_. But now it's too late and I hate myself for it every meaningless, passing day, every cold night spent without you.

Perhaps if I had paid enough attention, if I wasn’t so absorbed in that never ending dance of cat and moose we played, I would have seen it coming. I would have been prepared and you would not have had to suffer for my sins.

The first sign was the outcome of your fight with Mercury. By the end of it all, I was so shaken that it was like a countdown had started inside of me. The fear of having to deal once again with a love turned toxic, of someone too full of passion and liveliness becoming abusive… it was just so painstakingly familiar to me.

But I decided to trust you in this in the end; after all, it would be very unfair to judge your character based on a bad past experience of mine that linked to you in absolutely no way.

And as fate would have it, apparently, it turned out that, in light of recent events, I had made the right decision to believe in you, although it would still take a long time for me to begin pardoning myself for having compared you to someone as spiteful as Adam and letting it come between us, for having spilled your tears and hurt you. But at least now I didn't need the constant voice in my mind alerting me of the danger of once again falling in love only to be deceived, for you made me overcome that fear after all we went through during these last hours of tragedy we shared together.

Yet knowing you were also a victim of plots architectured by devious minds meant nothing in the end at all; trusting you, finally permitting myself to love you completely, was not enough by the end of the day.

You still winded up paying for my sins.

\---

 

The days subsequent of the invasion barely existed to me in my mind; maybe because _I_ barely existed.

Reverting to old ways, food came by being taken from people who had more than enough to spare. Night after night helping diminish the Grimm and dawn after dawn trying in vain to suppress images of you in my head, for I could not let myself commit the same mistakes twice — mainly getting you hurt for being associated with me ( _like I had known all along was going to happen in one way or another_ , a malicious voice inside my head kept distressingly whispering back when you would pop up in my mind as if there’s where you lived nowadays) —, even if it meant extricating myself from everything _you_ , as disheartening as it can be. It’s the least I could do...

But it was a battle of will.

There were days in which I would jump head on, much like you use to, not caring the least if a creature of Grimm managed to tear me to pieces in the end. After all, maybe that is what I so crudely deserved. Living in this sort of daze filled with adrenaline and the distant impetus of not dying yet was enough of a comfortable hell to evade the crushing desire to come back to you with a metaphorical tail between my legs, imploring you for forgiveness. These were the worst.

In others I just tried to lay down past the evenings and sleep for once, the thought that perhaps the sheer amount of guilt suffocating me was enough to let my exhausted to no limits body have some nightmares-less rest. Oh, how wrong I was.

Really, it always came down to the same one. Me, giving away how much you mean to me in the face of my worst fear coming to life — having the ones I love and my abusive ex coexisting at the same time in the same place; you, being your thoughtful carelessness self; and Adam, the once caring and disarming boy I knew, slicing through your flesh like it was nothing, like he hadn't just forever changed our lives with that single act.

If anything, his dire attempt at having my life back entwined with his own, I think as a shiver ran down my spine in absolute horror, accomplished at least something that can resemble a far-off advantage. The traumatic experience was so deadly on point with his resolution that he managed to trigger my semblance into a whole new level when the only thing on my mind was to keep you away from him at any expense. Now that self preservation wasn't at the forefront of my mind, practicing and replicating what I felt then, at that horrendous moment, only got easier after the first thousand-ish times. Striving to improve my Semblance, and actually doing it, also was what got me going through the days, for my mind ran on exhaustion and stress, instead of soul crushing fear and remorse alone.

Then something caught my attention. _Disarming_ , I had thought once before about Adam. You must have left more of an imprint on me than I first had thought.

With eyes growing as wild as one of Professor Port’s stories, I almost pull my hair off my head on impulse — what _was_ I thinking? Making a pun out of that? I didn't even know the state you were in to deliberately believe you would be proud of something surely as insensitive as this.

Shaking my head while tears drip down my face, I come to the conclusion that these days were the best, for in the end I was always left with a sour taste in my mouth; the desire to bring Adam to justice and put him where he no longer would be able to hurt anyone serving as a focus point to get through yet another dull day.

I repeat this cycle over and over again until my physical injury heals, purposefully intending to keep going for some more in order to help from shadows those who stayed behind to try and neutralize the seemingly endless invasion. But as the deep understanding that it was all fruitless efforts comes to mind, as the infinite waves of Grimm continued to assault the once safe ground of the most prestigious Huntsmen Academy to ever exist, I’m obligated to make a choice.

Now, this was tricky territory. An astray Faunus girl stumbling through streets conquered by the same turned murderous organization that brought so much desolation to these people — what were my chances? Even if they didn't know about me, _I did_ , and I would _never_ be able to come close to what one day might liken to some kind of a healthy state of mind if I stayed around here... somewhat almost near you, with so many memories of past, happier days surrounding me wherever I go.

Melancholy was ever familiar to me, after all; our relationship as shapeless as the chilly winds of Winter and as treacherous as Mistral's mountains’ trails.

So I run. Once again I run, but not away anymore. Now, instead, I run _to_ the first people I own many apologies to, the need to be absolved and set things right for once overwhelming my once inflamed, now fragile heart.

The desire to have my family back hit me so strong that I was left with tight knots in my throat. After all, my parents _were_ right about everything they had said to me on that fateful day I left them, the first time I ever ran away. One thing I learned with all this waking nightmare was that I should never, ever doubt my instincts — they were what brought me to you in the first place. So I can only have a firm belief that it was going to carry me to a better place at least once again. 

\---

 

Going back home wasn't everything I wanted, but everything I needed.

My parents and I made up, forged anew bonds impaired by time and lack of judgement. How could they still love me after all I've put them through was beyond me; coming back, all I was able to think about was the rocky road to redemption and hard glares and mouthful arguments ahead, but I should have known better. It seemed they were only awaiting my return, their arms open wild and warm just to welcome me back to where I had belong all along.

Their receptiveness of me and unhindered love played a major role in my recovery. I never knew how much I needed their support and affection after the years of violence I met, but now it was crystal clear how broken I had been before.

Almost as shocking as this revelation had been to me, Sun also being part of my arduous eyre — if I could call it that — was what tipped me over the edge to understand how grave a mistake I committed in being one more person who had deliberately left you behind.

(Even though it was, sadly, all very necessary; as now I found myself ready to face you and our friends, and whatever that might entail.)

Not only he, but Illia as well, was what took me to finally realize the strength in numbers, in unity, and how perilous it can be to spiral down a lone path.

Sun, in all his eager nature, showed me that the decision to be by my side shouldn't be taken away from those who wish to do so, for in the end it always came to that — helping each other be the best you can while facing together all the turbulence to come —, that's what friends were for. And surely, looking back, it was exactly what my team meant to me.

And Illia… for one, she was the most heartbreaking and elated my heart had beaten for until the moment I obviously accepted her back; after all, I would be an hypocrite not to. With her, I could reverse the roles for once and be exactly like the beautiful person who taught me how to be this compassionate — you, with your big sister complex and undenying love; all of my friends, in fact, did that; especially Weiss and Ruby. But none engraved me quite as you did. You had understood my struggles because of you own, almost as if an innate part of yourself recognized mine and they shook hands on being forever buddies in whatever scheme they designed together without ever telling us first.

Not unlike you, I took her back despite her past troubled background and gave her an opportunity to have a chance at a better life, surrounded by people who could genuinely care for her. Yet, at the same time I could rejoice in having my strayed friend back, it just tore my heart to pieces to think that the person who once brought me to the same place of safe haven Illia found herself in now was as far from my reach as fireflies are from the stars.

I dared hope in my still scarred, weighted heart you would show me someday the same kindness just this one more time.

\---

 

Never in my life I would have thought seeing you again would be like this. It was times like these in which I couldn't possibly understand who came first, you or me.

Not in a sense of who was born first. No, that isn't at all what I mean.

What I meant to say is, who initiated this magnetic pull towards each other? When it started acting and casting its effect on us? This bond we share, is it manifested somehow?

(Sometimes I think that, yes, it is. Adam _was_ able to see through it with just one look, after all.)

I could only muse about it so long in the expanse of a blink, my straying thoughts coming to a halt when I realised you were actually accepting me back after all the undoubtedly heartbreak I must have put you through. The huge, instant relief I felt was so intense at that moment that I immediately decided right then and there that I had actually found my own liberation; that I would gladly commit my life to you and still it would be the most unrestrained I’ll ever be.

And it only took one look in your shimmering, gorgeous amethyst eyes to know you would fight _and_ win the constant war raging in the battlefield that must be your heart nowadays (maybe what it's always been), to overcome, with me, every little bump that might hinder us from becoming what we're meant to be for as long as I can remember _us_.

\---

 

By the end of the days, weeks, even months to come, I can say I was right.

You did battle your insecurities, as did I mine. Whereas I feared I wasn't deserving of you, that I wasn't going to be enough, you dreaded the next _tock_ of the clock when you’d blink and not see me there, right next to you.

In the near future, we would only spend most of our time together just rekindling our friendship and trust in each other, coming to terms with what had happened and accepting our new selves. It was almost strange (but not really) to think that even when we grew while apart, we still evolved to compliment each other so perfectly, like — you usually would tell Ruby — the smell of a rose on a summer’s day.

Our patience, though unsafe in the unsteady midst of warfare we were treading on through this turbulent time, paid well.

\---

 

Team RWBY and our comrades managed to defeat Salem, but not without the cost of discovering we were being played all along. It took your mother’s life and the rest of your resolution to stay in check to kill our true enemy, Ozpin.

You managed to become the Spring Maiden in the end, your raw power bringing even the most traitorous, cunning foe to his knees. The scream of sheer _pain_ that escaped your lips afterwards though, when it was all said and done, was what took residence in my heart for the rest of my life.

Ruby would tell us later the logic behind his betrayal, but this war was never mine. Sure, I genuinely wanted to become a true Huntress now, especially in the name of those who couldn't protect themselves and who died doing just that, like Pyrrha; but this? All this was _so_ far beyond anything I ideally fought for that in the end I was just happy the people I cared about most was safe and sound and in my arms’ reach; eager to turn the page in this darned chapter of our lives, so much so that I barely even acknowledged the truth of the winner our team leader would tell all of us then.

Still, it was a little bit more difficult for you overcoming all of this. We were all by your side this time, and perhaps this was what got you through the downward spiral of sadness that overran you immediately after the battle finale. Be it the answers you’d never get to have from the person you wanted them the most, or the realization that you and your mother would never even get the chance to get things right; whatever it was that hit you the hardest, it surely did an amazing job in your still healing heart. Yet, after the pain you showed us that day, I vowed to myself to never let you go to bed, even for one night of our warranted life together, without hearing at least once the sound of your laugh echoing like music in all couple of sets of ears I’ve got going in my favor.

But then again, I think everybody ended up paying a bit for the greed of a selected few — families without their providers, kids on the streets; villages torn to shreds, and lovers lost; friends long awaiting just to be reunited, now will have to hang on to the next life.

Not long after the desolated scenario we could see everywhere, Remnant erupted from shadows and thrived in the post war picture, finally finding balance between Human and Faunus races. Surely, it took some getting used to, but a lot more interracial couples could be seen on the streets nowadays, and the world's atmosphere changed.

Certainly, it almost seemed charged with much more positivity.

\---

 

We got together immediately after everything settled down.

\---

 

The first time we kissed all I could do, in fact, was drink in your smile, so big it was; as my head started to buzz and my soul was sent to bliss, I felt like it seemed too much like a dream that's come true (and it was). After all we've been through, I hardly felt like the same girl all those months ago. There, with you, I felt like you've chased away my darkness and gloom, like all my doubts suddenly had disappeared.

We could do this.

And your voice, after saying I love you back, was like a song in the breeze; every word you said murmuring back as if chanting an ode to me — like a serenade — had me falling more and more in love with you.

I would never, _ever_ say this out loud, of course, but I think I winded up getting high on your sweetness. At that moment I was sure life was like a fantasy.

\---

 

Well… as for the first time we made love to each other, it wasn't quite as… _innocent_ … as our first kiss. That night I thoroughly made you absolutely sure of how much yours I am, time and again.

We had just bought our own place together and come home after a huge event party in honor of those we had lost and those who were still standing here by our side; all courtesy of Weiss, who now had claimed the Schnee Dust Company and turned it into a force for food. Though, sadly, I couldn't see anyone as devastated as Jaune, Qrow, and even Taiyang there. Ruby and you were, too, to some extent, but it wouldn't be fair to compare you and your sister to Jaune's far off look filled with a desperate longing to never be satisfied, Qrow’s wobbling through the doors when it neared midnight, and your father’s lone and warm comfort. The evils that took our loved ones might have crumbled down at our feet, but we would never be able to undo their hateful, misguided deeds.

At least the last of our foes, Adam, was imprisoned in a max security presidium, along with Emerald and Mercury, never to see the light of day ever again. Hopefully.

But all of that meant nothing to me when I got you under me, filling you up as if that was my sole purpose in life. Perhaps it was, because I never felt more in complete harmony with myself as in that moment, caught up in your passionate moans and breathless gasps.

It was quite surprising to both of us when you ended up being the romantic and sensual one, while my mind was so clouded with everything you that the only thought running wild through every corner of my mind was fucking you senseless until your only coherent thought was my name being dragged out of your lips by my own.

And when I finally let myself begin thinking I had satisfied you enough, oh how deliciously wrong you proved me. Though this time you were the one to make me cum for the rest of the night, you did that in a much more intimate way, so much so that I got genuinely shy about the previous hunger I displayed.

(But you very obscenely told me after we were done — and I drank hungrily in every word that made its way out of your plump lips —, in time to see the sun rising through the floor to ceiling windows by our bed, how much you had enjoyed your first time, which shocked me to hell and back — well, not so much, remembering having seen and smelled blood at some point, which had barely registered in my mind at all at the time; had you gotten hurt, I fully trusted you to just say so, as I would stop in a heartbeat.)

“Yang, I’m _so_ sorry… Had I known this was your first time, I would have been way more gentle with you, my love”, I swore to you, eyes brimming with pools of worry and almost, _almost_ regret. I _did_ know how much you liked it, after all.

“There’s nothing to worry about, Blakey, I promise you. And by the way, I’m _feline_ much better now”, and at that awfully ill timed pun, followed by the most gorgeous glint in your lavender eyes, I knew there was never a day I would want to wake up in any other possible way.

\---

 

My wish was listened, actually, when we got back from a hunt. These days they tended to get easier for the rest of us, since the Grimm attacks had lessened to a degree just a little bit, but tougher for you.

Now that Ozpin's schemes (and Salem's, for that matter) had come to general knowledge in order to maintain the ethic code and basic rule of the Cross Continental Transmit System in Remnant, and enlightening all of the previous disturbance in the world’s balance, many people seeking your power in their sightless greed pursued you. It had come to the point of architectured ambushes hindering you from immediately coming home after your solo hunts.

When we got separated on a mission or sent to different hunts, I could barely keep myself sane, worrying myself to madness in face of your absence, wondering when it would be the last time I would see your wonderful smile again.

But you came back every time.

In fact, in one of those, you brought along with yourself a ring, and asked me if I would do you the honor of becoming the happiest woman alive for the rest of our days, to which I responded if you wanted to be called a liar for the rest of our days.

Because, _yes_ , that was going to be me. 

\---

 

After our wedding we got older together, making bets of who would marry who in time. Sometimes you were right, sometimes we were both oblivious and completely unprepared for what we watched unfold right before our eyes, and in all that time I never managed to get one right. Not even one.

Who cared after all? Certainly not me. And you certainly would _never_ know how much salty I got every time I remembered this.

Not every memory of those times made me want to roll my eyes until they got stuck to my skull though, not at all (obviously).

We built a home for two from scratch in Patch, our symbols united in one at the front as if announcing the new family being born that day.

And the moment immediately after it was all done seemed to have been the actual start of my life.

\---

 

The house wasn't going to be big enough to accommodate our family in a few years from then.

Trying to help as much as we could reduce the number of children on the streets, we actually ended up committing a lapse in judgement and getting a little ahead of ourselves.

We kind of took a lion Faunus boy in in one of our visits to Atlas to see Weiss. He was only four and already suffering the still lingering prejudice in the most uptight city in the world, so we asked if he wanted to come with us, and he promptly said yes.

Ouro, as we decided to call him since he didn't actually remember his name, fit him quite well, with his blonde mane and tail and golden eyes. He was very shy at first, but quickly took after you when he found out we wouldn't do anything to him if he went along with your mischievous antics.

He loosened up even more when we officially adopted him and two more kids, both human —  a boy and a girl. The addition to our family already had names when they became part of our growing lineage, the couple of them; and they very clearly weren’t related, seeing that the boy’s, Lila, hair was as dark as mine and lilac eyes as gorgeous as yours that matched his pale complexion, while Bosc’s had much, much darker skin. Her already curled hair covering her entire face, and when she looked at you, I knew you were instantly in love with her green irises.

“So… just to be sure, her name’s Bosc, right?”

“Yes, that’s right, Mrs. Xiao Long-Belladonna”, was said before being followed by the musicality that reached my ears, also known by others as your laugh.

“Well, welcome to our family then, Boss!”

I could only affectionately roll my eyes to that.

\---

 

By the time the two of them started running around the house, Ouro had already started training with his _uncle_ Sun. I will die swearing with glued feet that was the one mistake in his upbringing. A groan escapes my mouth even to this day when I remember every trouble you, our son, and _Sun_ got into together, while Neptune and I winded up being the ones to pick up after you and the boys, the mess you three _always_ left behind. That time was a colossal fun way to pass the time, though you would end up getting a mouthful everytime.

(Sun wasn't that better off either, judging by Nep's grumpy remarks.)

\---

 

Not much time passed before Weiss announced the most innovating biotech SDC science labs had produced. It was now possible for two people of the same sex to have biological kids of their own.

\---

 

Nine months after that found me with my legs wide open and screaming your name, though _not_ how we spent our entire married lives getting used to.

“ _Yang_!”

“C’mon, baby, I _know_ you can do this, c'mon, breathe with me. 1, 2, 3... don't get nervous, look at me! See? I’m not nerv —”

“ _Yang_ ! I swear to the gods, if you don't shut up I _will_ kill you and”, one more scream, “and… _ah_ … it _will be_ painfully slow!”

\---

 

She inherited my Faunus heritage and my ebony black hair, but the moment she opened her eyes all I could see was you, your Branwen eyes reflected at my own.

Though you were kind of hesitant at first, we still ended up calling her Raven.

Raven Xiao Long-Belladona, _one that would stay_ , I told you. If anything, the ten thousand watts smile on your face depicted how you immediately lightened up (almost literally) after that.

\---

 

Our children gave us enough pride and sorrow for the years to come. If anything, it was certainly a challenge.

If only I had known before… _I never meant to lie to you like that_ , I would say time and again, filled with the ever familiar guilt, when later things would get too hard.

Ouro became a handful (and handsome!) young man, a talented Huntsman with a bright future ahead of him. He definitely took after you, seeking thrill everywhere he went and brightening up even the broodiest broodier alive (at least that was what you said when he made me cry laughing out loud for five minutes straight when even you hadn't been able to accomplish that feature.)

As for our youngest son, strangely enough, well… he appeared to be more of a mixture between Ren and I, actually. When I voiced my thoughts on this matter for the first time you were so creeped out by the very idea of it that you couldn’t stop laughing for the entire day.

I admit I’ve exaggerated a bit, but the sentiment is still there. We could actually tend to our entire garden with your happy tears alone and it would still have remained a bottle or two.

The boy devoured books faster than Nora could yell “pancakes!” and when he needed his time to, as he would say, _digest_ his learnings, he would spend all afternoon doing yoga with me or asking Ren to mediate his meditation sessions.

Bosc — or as you insisted on calling her all the time, Boss — ended up becoming an interesting one, she definitely lived up to your nickname. I think she acts and sounds more like you each passing day, even if you would say the exact opposite to me. Though the girl was the second youngest, she adopted the big sister, motherly complex that could have only come from you, there’s no denying it. She often took it upon herself to care for her siblings when we weren’t around, gone to one of _our_ partnership required hunts, and Ruby would tell me later of all the little ways she, too, could see you in her. Boss wasn’t as outgoing as yourself, more of a quiet one, but every time she opened her mouth I could hear your passionate support to whoever she put her loyalty to, a quality that ran deeply in your Branwen bloodline (regardless of her not sharing our blood), and love of jokes (though it was admittedly more on the deadpan side of the coin).

Raven, though, was a complicated matter. We still don't know if the flaw in her upbringing lied on our shoulders to bear, or, maybe, if it was the product of your mother’s and my own genes combined.

Well, that last part was in my head, at least. You never voiced this out loud, as I’m sure it has never even crossed your mind, but it doesn’t matter. I know no one could ever take this character after you.

After all, she _was_ my daughter, too. And it was too late when I realised she was so politically invested in Faunus’ rights that she had become a stranger to us — to everyone, really.

She’s gone after one hell of a fight, mostly between her and me. She was descending a path I myself once did, so I told her. I told her our story and the prices we both had to pay for unbalanced people, and being so ourselves, tending more to one extreme than balance, and how being alone was never the answer. I tried my best to make her understand, to make her see reason, but she was my daughter after all — I still think bitterly to myself every time I’m reminded of this. And she didn’t have someone as you to make her slow up just a tiny bit; Raven kept her ground, hell bent on claiming that you knew nothing about being a Faunus to ever have a say in the matter, even though you spent your entire adulthood dealing with my racism indulced cargo _and_ what it meant to be in a interracial relationship with me, disregarding the fact that things were _much_ better now than it used to be when we were her age.

And having said that as her last words to us, she’s gone.

\---

 

I couldn’t think of a worse moment to meet her again, because I can only imagine how much pain she must be going through.

\---

 

Years pass and though our hearts still ache for our daughter, we’ve got a life to live. Many moments we experience together throughout time, and no second could be more perfect than the last. My instincts _were_ right, after all. Perhaps the most flawless decision I ever made was having chosen you as my partner all those years ago in Emerald Forest — it did lead me to a life full of… well, _you_.

\---

 

Coming to think of it, our first year started filled with anguish and sadness, but our married life was almost all about the elated happiness we, and everyone around us, felt. It was a time of tentative peace and nothing too dangerous was left in its awake to worry about.

Long days would come in which we would spend the day out, savoring our modest patch of land and the frequent visits we would receive; sometimes your dad or my family (but the days we visited my house in Kuo Kuana were just as heartwarming), others, our friends and their kids.

Short nights reading and playing with our own children, the two of us relishing in what we both didn't get to live in their places in our own childhood.

When short turned to long, the evening rituals involved a lot of cuddling and perhaps even a little dancing to warm our bodies (actually it was all a battle between myself and the kids to see who would get to you — our loving, personal heater — first).

The brief turned days meant careful practices outside and no boyfriends or girlfriends to “help” lessen the cold seeping through our bones.

“Now, I know very well how you folks are, I've been there myself, believe it or not! Your mother was just —”

To which a simultaneous choir would yell in reply with different timbres making one harmony, _“Yang!”_ , _“Mom!”_

“What?! Now I can't even talk about my own wife? Well, it's your loss anyways.”

I would fondly watch on as you faked being hurt, only to continue as if it was your last wish, which you knew would be dramatically obeyed.

“Please, wait until you’re all at least eighteen until you all start thinking about going on dates and all that jazz. Especially you, mister I-want-all-ladies-to-myself, I hope you know your waiting line is twenty five years old, minimum!”

Our laughing eldest son stopped abruptly, then. “Hey! What?!”

“You think I don't see you with all those girls, huh?! Well, bad news to you, if you’re anything like me, and we're told numerous times every day that we, in fact, are, you’re not getting away with your behaviour. I don't want to have grandchildren in my forties, thank you very much.”

_“Yang!”, “Mom!”_

“What?! Blake, are you, by any means, forgetting how we wer — ow, ow, dammit, woman. You don't let me talk these days, my feelings!”

“Ugh, you’re insufferable and I love every bit of you, but if you don't stop talking about _that_ , I swear to god I _will_ tell them about that one time in Vacuo —”

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Stop talking, will you? You kids didn't hear anything about this conversation, which is over, never to brought up again, you hear me?! And remember, you two, eighteen, and you, young man, twenty five!”

By this time I was already all too used to the fond head shakings and fake eye rolls.

\---

 

We spent near twenty eight more years together — in which we sadly watched on as family and friends deceased —  living the hive. Until your soul decided, not by choice, though, that it was time to leave this world, too.

\---

 

In time, everything good must come to an end, just as the saying goes.

It was the fourth time we were going on a hunt with our eldest son, and the last, too. Ouro and I got separated from you when an endless wave of Grimm, now a rare occurrence, came loose. Maybe I should have known there was something shady to it, but the next thing we knew your Scroll was broadcasting static and my heart was beating faster than when we made love for the first time (and trying not to die by love then was a true mission for my heart, one I had managed to win somehow, not the least bit ready to leave your side — now that you did it anyway, I wasn't so certain how lucky I would be this second time around).

When we got to where we had last seen you, I couldn’t believe my own eyes. You were lying on the floor, a blade as red as the blood pouring from you going through your stomach. I asked Ouro to go get help, as only the local network was functioning around this isolated area, and when he came back not many people were alive to tell the story. Actually, I was the only one.

\---

 

The storm seas inside my heart were still too recent, too raw for me to ever hope to contain its devastating effects for now. So I didn't. Because living with you for at least five decades taught me how to battle my demons, my ghosts, head on. I just never thought you’d be one of them.

As I grip my fist on top of my chest, as if physically trying to keep my heart from joining you (wherever it is you might be these days), tears flow down my cheeks seemingly non stop. They fall like waterfalls on your grave, tarnishing the single physical thing I still have that's inherently you. Honestly, it feels too much like the ultimate attempt to avoid drowning myself in the world-shattering sorrow it actually is.

(All this tiptoeing around the inevitable sets me off time and again. Why couldn't I just be gone, reunited with you once again as it should be, as it's always been?!

Impatience’s been eating at me lately, even more so than when our children were still as small as your temper, and their cries as loud as Ruby's on one of her one woman rampage against whoever had eaten all of her cookies _again_.)

Legitimately, our friends have been spending the last few weeks with us — our children, all of them, and I. It's too much like the family gatherings we would have not long ago with all of them, and too little like it, too, since this time around it was all very bleak and morbid in face of your absence.

I needed some space. A moment for us. _Only_ us.

There are knots in my throat that makes it hard to pronounce each sound that leaves my mouth, but I push through every single word to finish what I came here to do. I don't doubt for a second you're watching us from wherever you are, but it’s still a nice way to reach out to you, talking to you like this.

“In your f-funeral I saw Ra-Raven for the first time in a long while, but y-you know that. We talked. S-she’s the new Spring Maiden now.”

The skies look dangerous today. Grey and full of howling winds racing past me. Maybe it's just foolish, wishful thinking, but the sentiment that arises in me is the same one I’d get whenever you’d get protective of me. Maybe it's really you, after all, the hardheadedness and persistence of you looking out for me even in… _death_ … so much like you.

My heart constricts, then, at the remembrance of real life.

(This way I didn't know if I was going to survive the end of this meeting.)

Your stone is beside your father's, close to Ruby’s mom’s. The precipice in front of the stones only serving to remind me of all the ways I had deeply fallen in love with you, how they had felt so natural, inevitable, right, with absolutely no return.

And of how it could bring it all back.

Shaking the momentaneous dark thought from my mind, the numbness and tiredness set over me once again, and the next time I open my mouth, the heartbreak over our youngest daughter and fear for myself, what I might have done, is still very present in the stumble over the words; the hiccups and whimpers of my crying getting the best of my diction.

“I-I hope she gets better, but it’s c-clear to anyone who l-looks at her that she’s not d-doing fine. I _know_ s-she regrets the way she left, a-accusing you of being useless w-when it comes to Faunus’ s-still ongoing fight.”

There.

_I did it._

Now you know what is kind of going on, what’s relevant anyway, besides, you know, the obvious and _you not being here part_ — I think, almost accusatory.

I stay just a little more, or at least that's what I thought until I hear Bosc’s voice calling out to me.

(How did she get here without me even noticing?)

“ _Oh_ . Apparently I'm getting a little short on hearing, too. Goodbye, _Yang_.”

And then our daughter comes over just as my voice cracks over your name, a bouquet of sunflowers in hand. She leaves it on your grave, looks at it for a while, a lone tear rolling down the mound of her cheek, hugs me tight and then we’re on our way home.

\---

 

Today is much different from when I last came here. The sky was all sad then, but now it has this magnificent orange color mixed with pink. It gets me thinking about a terrible fashion choice were you and Nora’s styles to clash together, but somehow the sky rock it this afternoon.

The breeze is gentle and soothing when it ruffles my hair, like your firm hand on my cheek in a far off memory.

A small and, I'm sure, loving smile reserved only for you crosses my lips, and suddenly my heart feels like it's being squeezed in my chest, collapsing under the weight of having to keep breathing, still.

“I love every one of our children to bits, but it’s not the same without you.”

 ---

 

“You know, Ouro did something today. It was so very you I could barely stand it.”

What I wanted to ask right then was, _is that how you felt all those years ago when I ran away?_

Because missing you has been more torture to me than how I felt being away from you then, and even more so than how I punished myself time and again in your presence after we got together in Mistral all those years ago — always wanting (you), blaming (myself) and tripping all over (us).

But this? This is insane! How can someone live under the constant shadow of something that is never to come back?! _That is gone!_

Her heart soared in the middle of all the anguish bleeding inside.

_Just… gone._

\---

 

“Raven apologized to me today.”

There wasn't even a little stirring around me, _nothing_ moved. It was as if everything — you — was holding its breath. So I tried again.

“She's getting back on her feet.”

A miniscule dove on a trunk took flight, leaving a gust of wind beside me in its wake. It batted its wings until it found itself circling the air in a perfect circumference amidst its equals. Then they rose higher and higher into the sky until they flew away, the already visible, slightly fragmented face of the moon glinting down their path.

With a sense of pride, I relate the rest to you.

“Sometimes I see the look of defiance in her eyes, her fight thankfully not gone. Actually it seems to be burning even hotter from the desire to atone for the faults relevant to the time she was away. It's written all over her face.”

If it wasn't all so very tragic, maybe I would have been somewhat happy for how things turned out.

“If she continues like this, I think one day she might even go back to being our sweet, loving girl.”

\---

 

It's blatantly obvious to see whenever your sister goes there to visit you. Or Weiss, for that matter. They would get this expression of longing in their faces, which I think resembles my own every waking hour, almost like reminiscing of past times, when everything was much, much different.

One day, Ruby, with hair now matching the color of her eyes, got to our home soaking wet, just a little after sundown, the rain outside bristling the hair on our arms as the door finally creaks open.

Weiss, having lost all resemblance of cool while waiting all this time with icy ( _weissy_ , comes to the front of my mind in your voice) exhalations of breath as a mean to try and calm down, almost jumped to her throat as soon as she came into view; things like _you could have gotten sick_ and _why didn't you say anything, you dunce_ dying in her throat immediately after she sees the look on our previous team leader.

Ruby misses you like hell’s been frozen over.

And after we've exchanged our farewells, they're gone, and I find myself dancing to the song of my lone heartbeat, the drums sounding like a chant that screams _I miss you, please let me rejoin you_.

That is, very sadly, how Lila finds me some time later.

\---

 

I visit your stone and talk to you every day until I lose track of how many days it's been. And though it's still difficult, it's easier at the same time.

For all of the pain I've been through, for all of the care I've received from our children and for all of the _wanting_ wrecking me inside, somehow I manage to pick up the pieces and glue them together, strong enough to live with the kids and not let them down any longer than it needed to be done. I know how you would have disliked just the thought of it — I remember, after all; the thought of Tai and a vacant dark classroom muffled by declarations of golden childhoods scattered through the mud dancing in my eyelids.

(Just the idea of having failed you _again_ nearly gives me a heart attack — which wouldn't be _so_ bad, considering everything —, but doing this whole parenting thing alone is all _too_ scaring.)

And still frail enough that just the tiniest pressure would crack the perilous amends all over again; and when that time came, I wouldn't claim that I would have the will to try and recover one more time. Because I knew I wouldn't.

\---

 

Against everything I judged fair in the world, my mostly deserved rest comes. And it comes quietly and deadly, in the shadows — unlike yours —, when no one is expecting.

Ironically, it's how I fought all of my life. Amazing how that's actually the way I was going to be defeated as well.

\---

 

One day I’m reading, the leaves outside the window waltzing in the wind, sun shining on the oak over the grass and birds chirping their morning harmony.

It passes almost as any other, except that I feel the peace in my heart like a cycle that’s been completed, and somehow I know. _I know_ I won't have to wait anymore.

Ruby and Weiss have moved all the way over here when our kids moved away to live their life in its fullest, as per my request. They still visited regularly though, every single time they got clearance of their responsibilities (against all of my reasonings).

It was a pleasure every time they showed up, especially with how Raven just started feeling comfortable enough to show freely her emotions around us all again, all the time so very loving of me (it warms and breaks my heart how much she looks, act, and talk like you these days.)

It’s actually one of those times where the children come, the ice flower pair already there by the time they get here; Sun and Neptune, too. Everyone is here, together.

(Except for you, my love.)

The day is wonderful, and we spend it playing and talking and laughing, until the perfect time for a joke comes around and everyone holds their breath, waiting for the pin to drop. Except you never deliver your terrible puns and the people gathered there seemed to take just a little bit too long to realize that.

Ouro, the precious, wonderful boy he is, salvages the miscellaneous silence and assert the train on its trails before all is lost to nostalgia.

After a night full of small feasts and dancing, the sleep claim our fatigued bodies. Well, I’m speaking for the old bunch, at least. And when you all wake up the next morning, I don't — a small smile adorning my face.

But now I feel rejuvenating strength in me, and before I can understand what is going on, there’s a voice being resonated behind me.

“Finally! It took you long enough, Blakey!”

The only person who has ever called me that is standing right before me when I turn around.

There's only love I feel, then, rolling off in waves of relief and longing and desire and every ounce of fierce passion that once belonged in every atom of my bones. All for you.

And then we're together again — you and me, like it's always been.

“Yeah, _finally_.”

**Author's Note:**

> So... that was something! This is the biggest thing I've ever written yet and my style's getting where I want it to be, so I'm kind of proud of myself (for now).
> 
> Oh, yeah. Just something worth mentioning — this is my headcanon about Blake's storyline revolving around her relationship with Yang until the end of Volume 5; then it's AU. I used this part onwards to elaborate more of what I think will happen in the show, and after that, well. It becomes world-building for the sequel. I'm not really good at writing dialogue, so sorry about that, but I did everything I could to compensate the lack of it.
> 
> And guys, if there's anything grammatically wrong, please, tell me! I'm not a native speaker, and I want to do only my best whenever I post stuff so you guys will have it (the best I can do).
> 
> Have a great day wherever you are! Until next time :D  
> \\\\_//_


End file.
